Night Two Without You

I am alone in Florida in my hotel room. You are all snug in your bed at home. You went to ToysRUs today to buy a present for Ashley's first birthday on Friday. You ate eggs for breakfast and went to a mall in Towson. I wasn't there. May 2, 2010, I did not see you at all. Not once.
I talked to Daddy tonight about you. About your day. We decided it was best that I not call and try to talk to you. Your developing brain does not understand the telephone. We are afraid you will hear my voice and want to see me. Your literal mind does not connect that I am not there and will not be back for a few days.

I pass a playground on the way to dinner tonight, I see a mom pushing her baby in a stroller and for a moment, I am sad. A wave of sadness washes over me. I get distracted by something else and it vanishes, sometimes as quickly as it comes on.

Tomorrow, we present at the conference. Then we are planning to take the trolley into a tourist area and grab a late lunch. Tuesday and Wednesday are open with conference schedule / site seeing. I wonder what you will do tomorrow at Ms. Patti's? I wonder if you miss me? Do you even remember who I am? Do you remember your mom? I worry about you forgetting about me. Will you recognize me on Thursday??

Reidun sends pictures each day, to help me make it through my time away from you. I love to see your face and imagine you in that moment. Sometimes it seems so real to me, I think you really are around me.

I love you Bean. Mommy will be home soon. But not soon enough.