Butterfly Needle and a Blown Vein

Today you had your blood drawn for the first time ever. I hope you never have to again. Daddy had to hold you in his lap while the nurses prepped your arm. Even with using a butterfly needle, the first vein blew. They had to re-prep and re-stick you in the other arm. You screamed and screamed and screamed. I wanted to scream, to swoop in and save you from the pain. But all I could do was stand there helpless and take pictures (for posterity sake, of course).

Once the nurses finally drew the two vials of blood, Daddy let me hold you and try to stop the tears. You were given a sticker that said you were hero today and to give you a hug since you were so brave. I think Daddy and I should have gotten a sticker too.

There is nothing more gut wrenching than seeing your child in pain. Daddy and I rushed you out of there as fast as we could to go home for your afternoon nap. You slept and slept and slept. We were relieved that you didn't seem any worse for the wear after you woke. I think we were more scarred than you!

A Sure Sign Summer is Almost Here

The joy of sinking freshly grown teeth into freshly grown corn.

The last few days, it has been overcast and raining. It's depressing and dreary outside, but you have been entertaining us all with your antics. Soon we will be lounging by the pool and soaking up the joys of summer. Wait until you discover what a treasure a Snowball is on a hot and sticky day. YUM!!!

Inspiration & Friends

Friends are important, especially to a girl. Your circle of friends will be well known in our house. I wonder what their names will be. I had a Bridget, Maureen, Katie, Jessica, Katheryn, Crystal, Sandra. Most of them I still keep in touch with. Jessica is still my best friend. We met in 4th grade when she started at St. Bernadette's in Silver Spring. At first we weren't that close, just hung out together in groups, at girl scouts. By high school, we were inseparable. Most people knew us as one entity. The greatest gift Jessica has given me is her continued friendship throughout the last 20 years??? Maybe I should re-calculate that...
Anyway, Jessica is still my best friend. We have been through almost every life event together: going to middle school, high school, the meyhem that was college, marriage, funerals and becoming moms.

I can't make you and Ashley be friends, but by default you will be hanging out with her quite a bit in the upcoming years. Jessica and Ashley are apart of our family and we are apart of theirs. Hopefully you will have lots of friends in your life. But all you ever really need is one best friend to walk with and inspire you. If you're lucky you already found her.

Whiskey Barrels of Fun

Today was mother's day, usually reserved to keep the card/ chocolate/ flower industries in business. I can't lie. Part of me wanted a beautiful bouquet or masterfully written poetic card. Once again in my life, my expectations were not met... but reality exceeded anything I could've ever imagined.

The day began with Daddy allowing me to sleep in an extra 25 minutes!!! We went to the 8:45am mass at our churn. You were put in the nursery for a peaceful worship experience. All the mommies were blessed. We were even given marigolds upon our exit. You colored pictures for me in nursery which was just wonderful. We had breakfast/ brunch at Panera with our neighbors. You flirted with a little boy around your age at the next table. We talked and sipped our hot beverages. You had juice. It was relaxing.

I think the best part of the day was when we returned home. You, me and Daddy all cuddled in our bed together. We got to just be with each other. We laughed, we lounged, we remembered what it was like to be together before you became distracted by the world. We used to spend weekend mornings together like this before you learned walked. It felt so good to cuddle like this again. You went down for a nap and Daddy let me nap too as he did all the yard work!!! Glorious! We got up to go to my parents for dinner, and as I walked outside to the car, there they were. My whiskey barrels!!! I had wanted these for a long time to grow strawberries in. You and Daddy had searched all over Maryland and had found some! I was so surprised and tickled that the two of you had conspired to do this for me!

Then when I got into the car, I found a note (on a card I had bought for thank you notes for your birthday). It said:
Dear Mommy,
Ever since I came into this world you have been there for me. I want you to know that I appreciate everything you do for me. I want you to know that even though sometimes it is alot to take care of, you do it because you love me and I love you for it. I want you to plant berries in the planters so we can watch them grow, just like me.
Love,
Nora

Flowers are nice, chocolate is even better. A fancy brunch would have been appreciated. But nothing could have been better than those whiskey barrels and note. It's not the store bought, pre-packaged items that made my heart jump or eyes swell up with tears. It's the knowledge of how blessed I am with love from my family. I am so humbled by this love you and Daddy have for me. It gives me strength. Thank you.

Homecoming

I made it. I made it back home to you. You came toddling over to me with your arms outstretched as if to say, "there you are mommy!" In my eagerness to return to you, I bought you many gifts. Presents from the beach and the Florida Aquarium and the airport. I showed you all these gifts and some you played with for a few moments, but you especially liked the bags that brought the gifts.

I was just happy to be in your presence again. However, I did not expect for you to have grown two inches! It seems like two inches to me! When did you get to be so tall? I swear your legs got longer while I was gone. Your tree finally bloomed and the leaves are now providing shade to the backyard. The gardens exploded with growth and so did the plant in the pond! It feels like home, but things are different. I had to get acquainted again with my plants that your father forgot to water.

I envisioned what our first moments together would be like. We would run and hug and it would be magical. It was nothing like that. You wanted me to pick you, I did and we resumed as if I never left. How do you do that? How do you just fit? You demonstrate again and again to me that we just are. It felt good to remember that. There is no trying or effort. I don't have to impress you or talk or do anything. We just are.

I also thought that you would play with the toys I brought you. Instead, all you cared about was playing with the water bottle from the airport. We don't use plastic water bottles so maybe it was interesting to experience? All evening, for almost an hour you played with this bottle. It was pretty incredible that you could put the cap on and off. The dexterity involved was quite intricate. You eventually dumped most of the water all over your shirt and shorts. It was very amusing to watch!

I soaked up this time with you. Then, you had a bath, I read some books, including your new one, "That's Not My Penguin" and I kissed you goodnight a few times. I made sure you found a corner of your blanket, whispered, "I love you, Nora" and closed the door to your room.
Although this homecoming wasn't exactly what I had imagined, it was just the way it should have been. Perfect.

I am home. Sleep well Bean. I know I will.

5th & Final Night

This is it. Tomorrow I'm leaving on a jet plane. Coming home to you.
I am very excited.

However...
Today I was strolling back to the hotel on the River Walk (which is on a channel, not a river) after visiting the Florida Aquarium (amazing!). I realized something. Since March 25, 2009, I have not had this significant amount of time BY MYSELF. I've gone out to dinner with Daddy or spent the afternoon hunkered down in the bedroom trying to finish a presentation. But I haven't had this experience of time as my own since pre-you.

You wanna know something?

It was kinda nice.
Ok! Before you flip out on me, let me explain.
I miss you. I hurt for you and going to the aquarium today did nothing to help me. All these families and children running around. Everything I looked at, touched, experience, my first thought was, "I wish Nora was here."

But you aren't here. I am alone. I've had copious amounts of "down time" to myself. Time to ponder, time to relax, time to rediscover me.
I am so well rested. I feel rejuvenated.

Maybe this time was apart wasn't so bad. I was able to remember what it's like to be on my own. Once you were conceived, I knew my life would never again only be my life. I'd always share it with you. I suppose you could say this about my wedding day too and your father. I never stopped thinking about you, but for awhile I was able to concentrate only on me and my needs. It felt good.
But I am ready to come home. I was ready the day I left. So tonight is my last night in Tampa. Good night and goodbye!

I couldn't kiss you tonight. But tomorrow night you'll be showered with my kisses and smothered in hugs.
See you later alligator.

4th Night

There were no pictures of you sent to my phone today. You spent the day with Nonna and now are back at home fast asleep after your busy day.

I had a slow morning. Went to the Sunken Gardens in St. Petersburg this afternoon and then had a late lunch on the Gulf of Mexico in Sunset Beach. I was busy but that didn't mean I didn't think about you at every lull.
A few shots from today:

The biggest Wandering Jew I have ever seen! (ground cover)

Eating on the Gulf

My hotel and view from it:

I called Nonna, she told me all about the fun the two of you had today. I had alot of fun today too. It is weird to think about you having such a good time without me. I kept thinking, "Nora would love this beach!" or "Nora would enjoy this playground." Did you think about me at all? We can exist separate from each other. It's better to figure this out now rather than in 17 years when I drop you off at college!

Daddy called me to check in and was talking about mother's day plans. He wants to take me out to brunch, just us, not you. I flipped. There is no way I am going to spend mother's day away from you. I will have just spent 5 nights without you! I can't bear the thought to be away from you one more unnecessary second. I am still upset I have to work Friday morning, but I will be home by noon. I am looking forward to spending an entire weekend with you.

I daydream of the moment we will be reunited. Only one more night after tonight. Each breath my anticipation grows.

This is a picture I have looked at frequently during the week. It was taken a couple weeks ago when we went out to dinner.

One more night. One more night. One more night.

I.can.do.this.