March 25th 2009 I went into labor at 2:33am. 3:33am I woke up your father to start recording my contractions on the iPod application iContraction. 6:33am we were heading to the hospital. The 33 minute thing was just a coincidence. 9 hours later... nothing. I had stalled at 4cm dilated and 0% effaced. So the doctor recommended the C-word and I balked and exclaimed I could do this!! The doctor then explained you had not even dropped into the birth canal. Oh. Besides she explained, "I don't know why woman always want a 'natural' birth they never poop or pee right again." She promised me that this was best for you. Ok... only if Nels AND my mom can come too, I bargained.
Away we went to the O.R.
I had to be wheeled in alone. My legs numb. My head spinning. They lifted me onto a very cold, hard table. Bright lights shone in my eyes. The nurses strapped my arms down like I was being crucified. They said it was for my own protection b/c I would instinctually try and protect my womb. Funny smelling air was put in my nose. I tell the anesthesiologist that I get nauseous VERY easily. He smiled. I started to shiver uncontrollably. The surgeon began it was 3:45pm. My mom and your father were at my side shortly after. They watched the surgery with their masks and scrubs. I watched them. Once and while I would glance at the bright lights where I could see my stomach cut wide open in the reflection. Nauseous. I couldn't stop shivering. My doctor, who was assisting said "the umbilical cord is wrapped around the neck."
Freak out.
MOM! I yell. (for the record, I do not know why I didn't call out to your father). MOM?!? Why isn't she crying? WHY ISN'T SHE CRYING?? I become more panicked. All of a sudden, I hear it. The most piercing, shrill, loud, STRONG cry. Your cry (btw you never had one of those wimpy cute newborn cries). They hold you up over the cloth barrier for me to see. I look at the clock: 4pm. It had only been 15 minutes??? Your actual birth time is recorded as 3:59pm.
I begin the pepper the surgeon, nurses and your father and my mom with questions. How is her muscle tone? Does she have a widow's peak? What about the muscle tone? Cleft pallet? Are you sure her muscle tone is fine? I hear, "She's beautiful" "Oh wow! She beat Clare!" "Whoa! 8.15!" (that is 8lbs 15oz which is pretty much 9lbs). On a side note, we joked later that you looked at the birth canal and said "There's no way I am fitting through that!" You never tried. Nora- you've been brilliant since utero. Just sayin.
During my peppering of questions, the surgeon had to put me back together and he started to "stuff" my organs back into my body. I'm sure it's more technical but that's how it felt. And that's how I started screaming about my shoulder hurting and feeling like I was going to throw-up.
Blackness. (they put me out in like 2 seconds flat)
I wake up in a recovery room where I see you. I have no idea who else is in the room. I see you all swaddled and wrapped in some one's arms (maybe my mom's?). I slur out "Hi Nora!" and I hear your father say, "Well, I guess her name is Nora."
I am very 'out of it.' The drugs made me very sleepy. But I was still very concerned about feeding and bonding with you. Everyone hovers with you over me but no one lets me actually hold you. I am becoming increasingly annoyed that I am not cuddling my baby. The creature that I spent 9 months curating for the world. I think they were worried that I was too drugged up and might drop you.
I insisted. After all, the pregnancy books said we had 2 hours before instinctual bonding would wear off. I thought I was out for 2 hours. But it was more like 20 minutes.
Anyway, they finally let me attempt to hold you with the lactation nurse from Australia tightly holding onto you. She was yapping away. I was nodding. No clue what she said. My mom says "she was excellent." Ah huh. I just want to hold my child and feed her. The nurse still yakking away, I take you as much as she will relinquish and show you my boob.
On you latch. Start sucking away. suck suck suck. Still sucking. Nurse still talking... not paying attention. Me and you. Like we had always been. There was no adjustment period. There were no awkward moments. You were mine and I was yours. It just was. No trying, no effort. You and I? We just are.
"What's her name?" the nurse asks... for records. Ummmm. Nora. Nora what? I look up at your father. What should her middle name be? Antoinette?
"No, Verna."
Are you sure?
"Yes, it has to be Verna"
Not Antoinette?
"Verna."
I nod my head in agreement. Too overcome with emotion to speak.
Nora Verna, welcome to our family.
We had many visitors. Daddy & Nonna (who were there for your birth), Grandma, Nonni, Aunt Katie, Uncle Kevin, Aunt Molly and Aunt Clare all came the night you were born, to welcome you into the world. After all, it's not everyday you get to meet a miracle. You, Noraverna, are a miracle.
On the night you were born I became a mom. Your mom.
And just so you can really understand how drugged I was... listen to my voice in this video on the night you were born.
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