7 Year Itch

Yesterday your father and I "celebrated" our 7th wedding anniversary. It really wasn't much of a celebration. Nora, you had Frozen Gymnastics camp with Ashley and we left the house at 7:45am, not expecting to return until 5pm or so but Lucy started screaming and holding her ear on 795 and she didn't open her eyes because they were crusted shut. So I quickly drove you down to camp with Ashley but her mom got a flat tire and Ashley wasn't there to help you adjust and a huge meltdown ensued. At the same time, your father scheduled a pediatrician appointment back in Westminster for 45 minutes later. It took an hour to get to the camp. So we waited for Ashley to arrive and then I drove 80 mph around 695 and up 795 to get Lucy to the doctor (only 10 minutes late). Lucy was diagnosed with a double ear infection and an eye infection. Thankfully, your dad could go to the pharmacy and pick up the prescriptions, but half of our town must be ill since the wait for the medicine was over an hour. I was able to drive back down to Jessica's house just in time to pick you up at 2pm and watch your awesome gymnastics show! After, we did go to Chick Fila for ice cream and a few minutes of play before we had to come back home to get you, Nora, to your next event; a play date with your friend Catie. I finally got home around 6pm and Lucy had been sleeping for 3 hours. Your father and I woke her up and decided not to take her anywhere. Daddy ordered from Papa Joes, an authentic Mexican restaurant in town. I shared my quesadillas with Lu while she sipped on chicken broth and antibiotics. I fell asleep to watching some kid program only to be woken up to get Lucy to go to bed with me. So  Lucy and I watched an episode of Hour of Cards on the iPad and snuggled under the blanket of vaporized steam. Your father stayed up until midnight to polyurethane your bathroom floor. Daddy decided to tear up the bathroom floor and redo the sink in your bathroom last week (under the ugly linoleum we found beautiful tongue and groove hard wood floors, score!). And there was our anniversary. It wasn't all bad, your father made me a sangria for my quesadilla and we talked about what our intentions were if Lucy hadn't gotten sick. No cards, but your father bought me a desk set which is for the 7th year of marriage. I have yet to verify that information is accurate. Desk sets? Really?

But the 7th year of marriage is usually known for an itch / dissatisfaction/ unfaithful time / wanting something different.

I don't think we have time for itching really. With driving you two all over the place, fostering our work relationships and responsibilities, taking care of 2 kids and a dog and a 115 year old house, we don't have time to itch for something else. We live in the present, the now, the today. What do we have to take care so we survive this week? It isn't the best way to live but for now, with a 5 and 3 year old, that's where we are. But in moments of quiet and moments of solitude (few and far between) I remember the man I met 15 years ago. How I fell in love with his kindness and gentle spirit and his endless pursuit of having fun. I can't explain why I fell in love with your father. I wasn't looking for a relationship; I wasn't looking for my husband but here we are. I know something is "right" in my life when it just is. I can't explain why or how. That it is effortless. The two of you are effortless to love. You simply belong. That's how my love for your father began and exists. The love was just there one day. Like it had always been. He is my past, present and future. It is in his love that I exist. His warm spirit has surrounded me for 15 years. Although we have only been married 7 years, I can't imagine my life without him.

We don't need fancy dinners or flowers or cards or date nights to know our love. It exists inside the mundane days, the exciting events, the stressful times, the intermittent calm and/or boring days. We simply don't need a special event to celebrate / commemorate our love. It just exists within us between each other. A security and absolute rule that I can't explain.

So I guess I could itch for something different. A job, a house, a new group of friends or a car but never your father. Never his love. Never the life I built with him. He has always been and will always be the love of my life. When the house seems too clutter, when our jobs seem too stressful, when life seems to always be surrounded with illness, it is the love that your father and I share that holds us all up and it is the place from where we grow.

Happy New Year my loves.

These Are The Days

These are the days...

Of dinosaurs and queens. 

of pumpkin carvings

Of jack-o-lantern's glow.

of downtown treat or treats

of holding Daddy's hand.

Of pet dinosaurs. 

Of having fun with friends.

Of sipping on juice

Of last autumn blooms.

Of town festivals and rides.

Of trick or treating on Halloween night.

Of spending time with grandma.

Of loving our neighbors. 

Of giving *almost* all our candy to Operation Gratitude.

Of building and creating.

Of picnics besides a stream.

Of exploring.

Of jumping from rock to rock.

Of celebrating friends' birthdays.

Of Ikea ice cream cones.

Of adorable hats.

Of learning to jump rope.

Of meeting "Ed" at our local coffee shop.

Of loving Aunt Molly visits.

Of meeting new family members.

Of a mom being with her four girls and youngest grandson all in one night.

Of catching some first snow on our tongues.

Of holding a real baby.

Of meeting the newest cousin.

Of oldest holding youngest.

Of trying skiing for the first time. GO LU!

Of first lift rides for this family of four.

Of re-learning balance. 

Of uncombed hair.

Of dancing in the first real snowfall of the season.

These are the days I am so grateful for spending with you two. 

Proud To Be Your Mom

Parenting is so monotonous. The same thing day in and day and I hardly ever see the growth right before me. It is hard to raise children. I say the same things over and over. I am not really challenged intellectually (yet) by the two of you. We don't have interesting debates or discuss the future of education or technological innovations. But sometimes a moment happens which makes this whole parenting gig worth it.

"Caleb" is a new boy in your class. He has a late September birthday, so just recently turned 5. Which is fine. He is smart and cute and holding his own in kindergarten (from what I hear) but he is tiny and new experiences scare him. Especially in PE where both kindergartens (all 21 kids) are in the gym together running around / playing some strategic game like sharks and seals. Caleb hates PE. It is loud and chaotic and everyone always seems to be able do more than him. He has started to cry / get upset and at first the 2 PE teachers would address it or the 2 kindergarten aids. But one day 2 weeks ago, you saw Caleb hurt and upset and scared. You did not wait for a teacher. You did not ignore him because you know too well what it is like to be so overwhelmed and scared. Instead, you walked up to him, grabbed his hand and said "Come with me!" and you proceeded to show him how to play the game. He was still getting upset so you stopped faced him, placed your hands on his shoulders and said, "You can do this. Don't worry I will stay with you." Off the two of went to play the game and Caleb felt better. Now when Caleb starts to feel upset or nervous or scared, he looks for you. Each time you reassure him that he is going be ok and you grab his hand.

All on your own you have decided to be a friend. A mentor. You saw your own fears, you understood how he felt and what it was like to panic and you also knew what to say. Most importantly, you acted. Nora, you have demonstrated, at 5 years old, a deep empathetic character. I am continually inspired by you. I am so proud of the person you are. And I am happy to wake again with you day after day and remind you to tie your shoes and grab your lunch and wash your hair and make silly jokes and talk about  what we see and hear around us. But I am also so grateful to be watching this beautiful person growing up in front of me.

Nora, you are not an ostrich!

Sometimes I am surprised by what inspires you Nora. You begged me for weeks to let you watch "Rio" in the car. I couldn't imagine a movie about a parrot being that interesting. But somehow that little blue bird has inspired you to take more risks, live a little more fully and give you the courage to try nerve-inducing experiences. It all started last year in pre-K with Leadership circles, one of the many ways your school develops young leadership skills like public speaking. We found out that public speaking (in front of about 150 students, parents and teachers) is not your cup of tea. In fact, you were so uncomfortable and so dreaded these leadership circles that it caused anxiety / panic attacks. Screaming / crying, pure panic. We worked with you, your teachers gave you smaller parts, no talking parts, stage-hand only parts. Nothing worked. You were terrified of leadership circle. Your new kindergarten teachers were ready for this phobia. Everyone in the Lower School knows you hate performing in front of others. You just won't do it without hysterically crying. In your classroom in front of other 4 and 5 year olds, you are fine (most of the time). But you in front of large, unfamiliar crowd and you panic.

We still don't know how you will perform this year in Leadership circle. But thankfully, your first one isn't until January. But somehow this year you have been facing your fears one by one. Relay races in PE? No problem now. Speaking in front of the class? Not an issue. Then I received an email last Friday that made me almost fall off my chair: "Video of Nora as the Lead in the Class Play." There is no way Nora was in a play, let alone the lead. Now, don't get me wrong Nora, you love theater. You will easily sit for a 3 hour show and be enthralled but actually perform? I went upstairs to your classroom where one of your teachers played a video of you as the main character (Cass) in the kindergarten play. The class put it on in front of the 1st grade and administration! No fear, no crying. No hesitation. You used your "leadership voice" and projected the words clearly and loudly. You had even memorized all your lines that day! In fact you had volunteered to play the main role. It was all your idea.

What does this have to do with Rio? When Mrs. Amey and Mrs. Welliver asked you why you were no longer afraid of speaking in front of others, you responded by talking about Blu not being an ostrich. They later asked me if you watched a movie about a bird name Blu.... because you explained your feelings through this character so well. 

Some people think it is just developmental. That you are now ready to speak in front of other people. Maybe it is. But I think it is more. I think you saw yourself in Blu. You saw his fears as your own and his ability to conquer his fears and not be ostrich something so inspiring that it made you re-think the things you were too afraid to do too.

All I know for sure is Rio has taken it's place in your top ten all time favorite movies. Maybe close to #1 for me at least. When asked, you say: Chitty, Frozen, Lego Movie, Rio, Mary Poppins, Annie, Tangled and Brave. And in no other universe would these movies ever go together (well the Disney ones would), but somehow they say so much about who you are and perfectly match your personality that we adore so much. 

I am inspired by your strength and courage.