When is it enough? When have we given enough time? Enough money? Enough energy? Too little, too much, just enough. I don't want to over-do but I also don't want to under-do. In my hyper-ness not to under-do, I frequently over-do. I have been working on not being so stressed with "it" being enough and just enjoying what it is. This weekend, we had Nora's class bear, Hope. We have to document what we did with it and add multiple pages with pictures and descriptions in a binder.Each family gets one weekend with Hope. Maybe that's the problem, we have a glimpse into others' lives. We went to see Aladdin Jr. at the local arts center (adorably cute), we went to the mall to get new shoes for Lucy and met Santa who seemed to be in his holiday house rather early this year, we played outside and took long walks around town and had a pajama parade. Ho Hum. Nothing much. Is it enough? We took pictures and wrote about our "adventures." Nora, you drew a few pictures, wrote your name, we messed up a few times where there are now black blobs of marker scribble in the Hope binder on most of our pages with those frequent mess-ups.
In this world with social networking and blogging and email we are more in touch, we see into others lives and I have this nagging feeling, I am never doing enough. I can be better or give you two more of my time, my thoughts, my love. I don't know. It seems so stupid. This binder, is just a pre-k binder. It means nothing in the real world. It is big deal in ours. Sometimes I read my Facebook feed and wish I had it as easy. As beautiful. But then I realized, we hardly ever share when things are bad, when there are problems. When we are hurting. I KNOW this, I teach I.T. to middle schoolers and we do an entire digital identity unit. It is easy to tell when others are fishing for compliments, we all do it! Or to brag or to show off how wonderful their family, friends, life is. We don't post or write about when we come up short or when things aren't enough. Even when people do, it has a hint of "but things are still awesome." Maybe I am just insecure or jealous of most of cyberspace. But I have studied the psychology of social networking enough to know better. I don't know why I have kept up this blog for almost 4 years, I think it talks about mundane things that people don't care about, but I know you two will find them important. You two will love to read about your adventures even if isn't all that exciting to others. I don't know why recently I have felt this "not enough" feeling so strongly.
I hope. I hope it's enough to show you two how much my life was focused on yours. When my parenting doesn't seem like enough. When we don't have enough time, or not healthy enough, or not educational enough, when not patience enough. I need to remind myself I will never measure up to another parenting blog or status updates but I never have to because that isn't the whole story. I can live in a constant state of never enough but I won't. Because I want to demonstrate to you both what it is like to be satisfied. To live up to your own standards, not others. So we are (I am) working on being satisfied with the beautiful imperfections, the black blob cross outs in the binder, the messy floor that was literally just cleaned 5 minutes ago, the sticky chair, the rushed time in the morning, the busy traffic outside, the too few walks we take, the minimal healthy snacks instead of the sugary ones. What we do, as long as it comes from a place of love and hard work, will always be enough. Just how you are. Just as we are. Exactly what you create, say, give; it is enough for me and I hope I am enough for you. It is hard to do this, to be satisfied with what is. But we can do hard things.
A quick catch-up from October. Maybe I will post some pictures of our house guest, Hope, next time.
|Love this picture. Nonna is a little nervous allowing Teddy to pour his own syrup.|
|Aunt Molly and Classic Nonni face at the pumpkin farm!|
|Lucy the animal whisperer: The farm animals would follow her around and Lucy has this quiet calm that the animals seemed to appreciate.|
|The cow licking her hand.|
|Feeding the goats was exciting!!|
|Cousins on the farm.|
|This captures Lucy's "animal whisperer" ability pretty well.|
|First born portrait.|
|Found her pumpkin fast!|
|Determined to take this pumpkin.|
|Lucy was the only one to go on the "pony" ride. That animal is a horse and Lucy loved every minute and didn't need anyone to hold her. She held on all by herself and smiled the entire ride.|
|Self timer family picture of all of us! Minus Daddy, who was in Seattle on a boat.|
|What's a farm trip without bunt cake!|
|Aunt Molly came home to go to the farm with us! It was only a 6000 miles round trip to come with us.|
|Daddy came home just in time for pumpkin carving!|
|Always too many pumpkins but well-loved pumpkins, especially the one with glasses and a sideburns and a mustache!|
|Trick or Treating time!|
|Grandma came to help. She was witch! Nor- you were Doc McStuffins and Lucy is Minnie Mouse|
|Trick or Treat! Give me something good to eat!!|
|Random: We took Teddy to the local fire station at Nonni and Nonna's!|
|Teddy was the fire chief!|
|This picture exudes excitement. They were actually excited about the firetruck just not about another picture.|