Things have been tough lately. Not necessarily one thing or another. Early mornings, tired evening, busy schedules, new classes. Weekends seem to end before they begin and responsibilities just have a way of getting in the way of life. I realized recently that I have a problem with creating boundaries for my sanity. Saying no to more responsibilities when I have enough to juggle. It's a double edge sword. I feel like I need to toughen up and not be so concerned about everyone else. Helping, caring, volunteering, doing; fills me up. I worry about you Nor, being too soft. Being like me. But you're not. You're a first-born with a soft side. A quiet storm.
There have been our annual fall activities. All fun. All enjoyed. But this morning, Monday morning came too soon. Your dad and I weren't ready. His only new Audi key had been lost over the fallfest weekend where our town is consumed in a fall festival. We tore apart the house at 5am. No dice. By 7am we called a locksmith. No dice. Only a dealer can program a new key. By 9am we found out the dealer would need the car towed down to their store and it would take 3-5 days. And it would ridiculously expensive. ?!?!?!?! The stress had been building for weeks. Fall renewal and change is stressful. Your father and I had a huge blow-up when I was at work and he was still at home trying to figure out how to deal with this entire fiasco. Somewhere along the lines, all my texting history with your father was accidentally erased since my texts were stuck and not sending (more stress!). He decided to take his motorcycle to work. I taught my classes and felt guilty. I left after my afternoon class to go and look for the key, I already had the Westminster City Police and Parks and Rec department on a city-wide hunt for this stupid Audi key. I prayed on the way home, "St. Anthony, St. Anthony, please come down, something has been lost and needs to be found." Once I got home, your father never went to work had stayed home to call the tow truck. We fought. We were angry, stressed. I said I was going to walk around the park to look for the key and stormed out of the house. Something or someone made me think to take a detour over to the fence where we talk to the Wagmans daily. I looked under the platform. Nothing. I turned around defeated, eyes down on the ground and there about 20 feet away under the lily plants and dried up walnut leaves, was a shiny key. An Audi key, only programmed for Daddy's new (to us) 2009 A4. Alleluia! After a long embrace and lots of tears, I had to get back to work. I left and Daddy stayed to cancel the tow truck and call the dealer to say he wouldn't be coming. On my way back to work, a new text came through from your father: "Thank you. And I love you." It is the only text in my phone from him now. No more history.
A new start. A fall renewal. Thank you. And I love you. It sounds like perfect mantra for us now. No matter the stress or the new routines we have to establish this school year.
I was feeling pretty good about life after all this... until we get at call at 5pm. I had completely forgotten to take Lucy to her doctor's appointment at 4pm. Another parenting fail. But at least we have refocused on gratitude and love. Nothing more important, at least for tonight. Well maybe second to playing on the new swing-set your father insisted on buying and building for you two.
|Family photo for your homework, Nora.|
|Bouncy tunnel of love.|
|We aren't always active after work and school and daycare. |
Sometimes we just want a couch, a cuddle and TV.